Mumbai Diaries…

I believe that if Delhi is a city of posh bearings, Mumbai is a city of bare essentials. Metaphorically so! I have almost completely two years in the maximum city and figured that I have the ability to like it after being an ardent lover of the capital. 14 years of being in the ‘not officially tagged’ heritage city, I moved to Mumbai because of work. The divide of the cities is very clear when you start working here. No stare-cases, no eve teasing, heavy moral policing and very health conscious people. But then, this is not what my new series of blogs is going to be about. It is about relationships that bind us in different ways and move along us to shapes us for our future version with grey hair (hopefully full growth remains). Keep the current time in mind, here I go…

THE FROG THAT LOVES TO SHOP!

I was told by a very hot looking Tam-Bram guy, “you have to kiss many frogs in the pond to finally find the prince.” He was calling himself a frog by the way! For most single people looking out for a fling or a relationship or whatever you prefer to call it, seems like a thing to do when you are not working. At least this is the nature of the city I inhabit now, Mumbai. Here people are either committed or looking. The word single seems to have taken a backseat. So while I have been single since it was discovered that Pluto is not a planet, I complete was in love with that status until very recently.

You don’t figure out how much to crave to be with someone till you are reminded that you can be someone’s someone. Just like Ingrid Michelson’s song, Are We There Yet! So I was told very recently that I have the ability of being that someone to a very North Indian, fair-n-lovely kinda fella. He is, let’s just say, the opposite of what attracts me when it comes to physical appearance. But when did I say I am perfect.

So after a quick nibble at a restro-bar, me and Mr Fair-n-lovely decided to head for a coffee shop for some casual talk. Only if I knew that I am going to be asked out officially soon, I would have made an effort at least to fix my kajal and lip-gloss and not looked a road-run after a long day’s work. But then I always think of these things when I am home and look at myself in the mirror and ask, “What attracted him!”

We settled for a coffee shop in Juhu and started our conversation about work. He is a workaholic, just like me. He like challenges in job, just like me. He is the only child of his parents, just like me. He loves music, just like me. He loves reading fiction, just like me. He loves to shop, just like… no, not like me. ah… well… this was the bitter reminder of my first boyfriend who could spend hours together looking for formal trousers and end up buying a bag and then saying that we need to go shopping for the trousers. When did men become the shopaholics? And why wasn’t I warned before? While I confessed to my displeasure for shopping, his jaw dropped, like I had uttered the last words he wanted to hear me say. He pursed his lips and asked me awkwardly, “So what do you do when you need clothes, bags, and other daily important things?”  Of course, I get those only when need be. But as far as pleasure of the same is concerned, I let my mother do the dirty work.

We had our coffees in silence after that. This was the exact opposite of what our dinner had been like. From “where have you been all this while” to “what’s wrong with you” took only 40 minutes to happen.

He offered to drop me home, but I declined and he didn’t insist. While going back in the rick and lighting my cig, I realised that this was not going to go anywhere. The deal breaker here was shopping. Did I like him enough to shop? Or did he like me enough, not to push me to shop? The answer’s NO!

All pictures in this blog are mere representation of the theme and do not bear resemblance to anyone in particular

What happened to the good old MAN, who hated shopping, indulged a woman, took pride in his chest hair (certain Mr Kapoor not included), didn’t know what really were manicure and pedicure and was strong enough to make a woman depend on him. Sigh! Or have we women become too masculine for these men to handle? The confusion continues and no does the quest because now I am ready to fish in the pond of frogs!   

The truth be told…

The fog that grows amongst us all,

Nursing the frost bites that won’t heal for long,

Still searching for the words of my lost songs,

Wondering which way did you go now,

Thirsty for the truth that grows hazy with every step I take,

Miseries of my loved one keep me away from making mistakes,

I cringe, I cry, I bruise easy… and I wonder why,

I feel like a leaf floating in the river passing by,

It is not easy to follow the footprints in sand,

It is not easy to chase the shadows in the wind,

I am hungry for truth… when will it be told,

I am thirsty for peace… which will leave me stoned,

The maniacal laughter makes me shudder at night,

Will anyone ever get it right?

Caged in my own will for the victory of truth,

I have lost that little girl I used to be in hues…

Love was never my forte because I have always been on a run,

And yet the memories of green and brew make my mind go numb,

Was it two steps behind or two steps ahead of me, plain?

Was it the boat or just me that drowned away in vain?

Traffic... with no signals

Very recently, I have been mapping the city and the NCR quite a bit because of my new job. Client meetings, grabbing a coffee and a bite to eat, road, sun-sets, rains, fog, messages, calls, BBMs, facebook, mails, ,more mails, traffic, noise, road rage, coke studio, coke, double-date, smoking, not smoking, fights, smiles, hugs, hunger, and so much more. Grammatically such a long sentence in an English language essay is a sin, so come to life… what can I say! If we crib about the traffic on the road at peak hours, then what do we do about the traffic in our head? And especially when you feel every emotion at the same time – love, confusion, guilt, withdrawal, anger, frustration and helplessness. Now you would think I am PMSing… well really dude these days it is Pre, Present and Post. So basically PERMANENT for most women and men as well (trust me). All I want to do the end of the day is have a bubble bursting word-game over the phone with Mr Hair Gel (you’ll know I don’t like naming people in my blogs), do a bit of farming on my virtual farm on FB (judge me as much as you want, I know you do it too) and sleep hugging my pillow and missing a jacket lately.

But today I chose not to do that! There was too much confusion, commotion and traffic in my head today. I try very hard to blabber it all out to the loving creatures I have around me, who do love me back and can be very patient listener surprisingly. But I feel very lost for words at that time. It is like finding a title for a poem you wrote about your favourite pen and somehow you end up with something as straight as “My Red Pen”. Jeez not that I ever wrote a poem like that! All this so-called “thinking” happed after I could not make it for my most favourite part of the evening… coffee break at CCD Taj Palace.

I realized that while I was in such a rush to make my perfect scrapbook memories, I missed out on the fact that I might not have this forever. I never believed in the saying, “Life is like an ice cream. Enjoy it before it melts.” I have always like things permanent. But here I am happy being a phase of a phase. Don’t get me wrong, I am not cribbing. I am just surprised with myself. Five years back when I was in love, I had felt the same, it is just that then I had wanted the end… not this time.

How lovely the colour green looks. It is my favourite colour these days. And yet it is the colour of envy. I do envy a lot of people. My friends who stay with their parents, my friends who are still away from the marriage pressure and one more person. This is one colour that makes you feel more human than most others. And reminds you that life never has a fairytale ending… neither will mine.

Morbid... Me!!!

Tyrant minds of the feathered folks,

Breaching the Unspoken vows,

Sleeping beneath the unjust sea of emotions,

Lacking the lust of tormented minds,

Blinded by the social norms,

I parade the path of staggering myths,

Long ago i head the tale of the king,

The queen and the estrange mate's gaze,

The irony i felt in the life's crazy tricks,

And I smelt the perfume of death sentence,

For i knew all and none knew me,

Far gone were the life's mysteries.

Withered away… without a sign!!!

You withered away like an autumn leaf,

While I prayed for you to stay,

How far you’ve gone for my shadow’s reach,

It is now tough to even measure the nights and the days in which you sleep,

I look at stars for a twinkle like yours,

Or a radiant smile,

But you are gone… without a note or even a parting line,

I try to tell myself it is true,

But I still feel so numb and I still hear the blues,

I am scared… you might not come back… to see me wither with silver and lines,

When I am too old to remember you and you are not around to be mine.

Convoluted….

It is so quiet in the crowd of thousands,

It is so noisy next to the sea,

The world of words is barely there,

The draught, the dawn and the feather in the breeze!

For I am one, yet none above all,

For I am a martyr, not of soil or by task,

The path of glory is found and lost,

Will I survive or take myself down?

The signs of caution don’t tell a tale,

The dreams have no desires to claim,

The preacher unfolds no lines,

The lies, betrayals and schemes seem so lame.

We all are a never ending story,

Yet so scared of the end,

There is nothing to read between the lines,

Yet we keep reading till our eyes hurt and cry.

It is all in my head and yet the heart gets blamed,

For the words I scribble that have no faith,

It is all very convoluted, convoluted it is,

For noisy and quiet are the same, isn’t it?

i wish i had a title for this one...

Opinions …

Are we allowed to have one these days? Because if we are then, are we allowed to share it with people who ask us for our opinions? Are we supposed to be completely honest about what we think?

We are human being and we always judge… everything and everyone. Some we like and some we don’t. Don’t get me wrong here… I am not saying we hate people or we love. It all starts with a simple like or dislike. I am at an age in life where a lot of young individuals are trying to understand themselves. Though we are in our 20s… I safely tucked in my latter years of the 2s as my friend calls it. Are we still not mature enough to handle situations, meet the right people, and stop making small mistakes that lead to unwanted sleepless nights, or even have a stable aim?

Every time I feel that I have finally got the answers to my questions another one crops up. Like trusting people!!! It is a huge issue these days because most of us are not able to judge what light we want to portray ourselves in. As the gullible little miss-sensitive who will never hurt someone but will always get hurt in the bargain, as the miss-smarty pants who knows it all but is tough to be friends with, or be miss-guarded and never let anyone in your life but in returns she is left alone.

I meet people… almost on a daily basis and there is one thing I learn each day. Like today I learnt to keep my mouth shut even if someone asked me to open it and spell it out for them. My dad always said, “Never advice till you are asked to.” And mom added to it by saying, “Don’t speak unless spoken to.” That is exactly what I did. I spoke when I was asked to… blabbering away my point of view of things and not really speaking on anyone else’s behalf apart from mine. But trust me my dear friends, what comes of it is not good. The whole ‘right to an opinion in a free country’ comes under scrutiny by the people who surround you and call themselves your friends. It is then you realize that it is better to be quiet and mull over your own twisters of life, which mind you are many when I start counting, than do the forbidden talking.

I hate… simply hate being in situations which involves two adults trying to figure out their own relationship. I am no agony aunt and my word is not the last one ever spoken. I don’t understand why women go out of their way in being a fool and I have no idea why men put up with the ‘I am always right’ act. They are so caught up in their lives that they won’t even bother to ask if you are still breathing oxygen or have you taken a liking for carbon di oxide.

I very recently fell in love… ah almost about. But it did not work out. Now if I was to quiz half of the people around me as to what the reason was… they might just have a surprised look on their faces and ask me, “You were in love? When? Who? Tell us everything!”

Arghhhhh… I am tired of talking about who loves who, who hates who, who can’t get what they want or who have too much of everything and don’t know what to do with it. How does all this matter when the ultimate truth is that one day we are all going to die. Then why waste that time on making a blueprint of everything that went wrong in our lives and why not just let the sun in from the window?

Regard this as a technical glitch that I had one night and wrote it… I am not happy that I don’ t even have the help of my words tonight that will let me explain what it feels like to be ‘me’, right now. But maybe another day when the sun shines brighter I shall tell you what it feels like to be in love…