The year of no words...

It has been almost a year since I wrote a post here. In this very year, I must have still written millions of words about people who make headlines in my paper every day. And yet how I still feel that I haven’t really written what I have wanted to write. Like in this one year, I wanted to so badly write about the urge to question a lot of people for their behaviour. Like the urge to tell everyone about my first ever trip abroad and that too to the city of love – Paris. Like I wanted to write about my ex-housemate and the apprehensions about the new one. And about counting pennies and about my new tattoo. But more than all this I also wanted to write about the silent moments, me the ‘chatter-box’ had in the time that has now become history for me.
A lot of people won’t believe this, especially the ones who know me, but it is true I had so many quiet moments this year that I have started feeling like a stranger trapped in my own body. I go quiet when I am too angry, I go quiet when I am too sad and now I also go quiet when I am not heard in the first go. I know I am not the same, but I have seen people change drastically as well. I have been asked, ‘have you thought of writing as profession?’ and I have also been told, ‘you can not write!’
I still feel the high when I get a pen and an empty sheet in my hands. And I still get tears in my eyes when I read the most powerful words. In this year gone by, I have met a woman who has had an extra-marital relationship with a man I thought is a waste. I know that our society does not accept this, but did I accept it? The woman is my friend and I have seen the man cry for her. But does that justify? It’s over now and she might one day wake up not to think about him. But that I know will come only with another man in her life. People have tried to cross the sea, so that they can’t yell and call each other.
In this year gone by, I have also learnt what freedom is all about. And with freedom come responsibility. After cutting the chains of emotions myself, I have done almost everything. Accept for flying, I have felt the wings and touched the sky. Took bath in the rain after years of longing, have been up till 6 am in the morning without the nagging, have put my head out of a moving car to feel the wind in my hair without the frown. I have walked bare feet, I have soiled my clothes, I have smiled middle of the night to myself in the mirror and I have given way a lot that might not have been approved of.
In the year gone by, I have lost a lot as well. Lost two friends, lost some love in the relationships I have, lost respect for someone I had great regards for and lost a bit of myself each day.
There is more to be written and there is more to be heard, there is more the be smiled at and there is more to yearn, there is more… there is more… there is more… to come!
Mandy