How the mind of a failure works?

I have walked past the stage of sanity at this phase of my life. The dos and don’t are not very clear and yet clear. The lines are vivid and vague. How one can be so confused beats me, but I am or shall I just say, I did this to myself. Then why crib? Why fight the soul and make it a bitter day for others. I am not an escapist, but I shall run from all this. I am not a bad person, but I have committed a sin. I hate crying, but I know how much I have cried in the past two days. It is enough, this life! How long do I have to wait to see the light? How long… how long… how long?

I shall not...

I shall not believe what I see in the dark forest till I touch every fruit, leave and the untold strangers. I shall not go back till I see light from far-far land, which promises hope of life. I shall not cry till I have the love to stop me from it once I do. I shall not fear for what more than death could come to me. I shall no pray till my questions are unanswered. I shall not speak till everything else in my heart and mind is quiet. I shall not stop walking till this earth stops to revolve. I shall not sleep till my eyes close because of no breath in my body. I shall not let rain drench me till someone promises me that there will be a bright sunshine when it stops. I shall never fall in love till I am promised it will not hurt. I shall not write the words you want to read because this is my blog and it is my life!